The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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