i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
