Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If I die, sorry about rent.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
