she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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