i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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