Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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