what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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