is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
