i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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