yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
