That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
