Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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