I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize