I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
