DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize