I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i've created a new STD.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
