im drinking this country out of the recession.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My vagina just recognized that song.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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