if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
