she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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