AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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