god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
