It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it's like iHOP with fire
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
