Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
