why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
