Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
