I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We need a shit load of segways right now
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
