apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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