Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
