omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize