"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
