I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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