Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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