you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
