my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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