I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
