The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize