you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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