Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize
