So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
