I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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