You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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