genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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