you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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