a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize