theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
