Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
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