he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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