woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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