i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
