"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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