From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Do vagina's smell?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
