I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
