You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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