THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
