this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize