Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
