i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
