My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
