You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
