You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robitsâ€
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