About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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