I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
