3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I am naked and annoyed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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