i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
