I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
