a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am available for nakedness
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
