I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
