genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
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