his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
