just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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