I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am spending my child support on dildos
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
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