that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
