omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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