my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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