Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
My feet surprised me
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