dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
