wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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