I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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