Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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