I'm gonna have a badass scar
from now on my penis is your penis
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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