someone owes me an orgasm
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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