i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
