I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
