lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize