He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
