woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
