"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
