i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
