On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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