i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
