Can Purell be used as lube?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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