Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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