Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
