if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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