god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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