Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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