I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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