Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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