So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
