k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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