elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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