i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
